


sugar cubes

by zzleepy



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Canon Compliant, Hurt with no Comfort, M/M, Pining, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut, Woosan, im so sorry for this, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-07 08:21:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21212921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zzleepy/pseuds/zzleepy
Summary: san already knows. he knows wooyoung can’t return everything he gives him, and that wooyoung simply leaves him crumbs of affection when san always gives him his entire heart.but wooyoung lets san hold him behind closed doors and under white sheets, and san swallows it all like sugar cubes, melting into his mouth and disappearing to leave him aching for days.and san doesn’t mind. after all, it‘s not like he can blame himself for loving wooyoung so much, nor can he blame wooyoung for loving him too little.





	1. behind closed doors

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first smut and im still babie at it so pls forgive lmao i didnt give much detail on the act itself, more on the feels, the angst yknow the good stuff so yeah
> 
> thanks for stopping by and i hope you like it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> movie night but san was watching something else, getting lost in the mystery in wooyoung’s eyes.
> 
> he was pulled in a space of their own, filling all the void in wooyoung, leaving his own heart empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the way wooyoung has been acting and teasing san recently was fueling my woosan angst heart so here ygo ;)
> 
> enjoy!!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ san loves wooyoung, probably more than he thinks he does. he doesn’t deny it, he says it all the time, and even to wooyoung himself. on the days when they were high on emotion, everything san bottles up inside him spills out— he hugs wooyoung, touches him like a mystery he’s trying to solve, cages him in his embrace and locks him in place. _

_ and wooyoung hugs back, of course. he was never short of anything san needs— he gives him affection, smiles at him, leans on his shoulder, lets san hold him in cold winter nights, in the softness of their blankets. it was everything enough for san, but he was always short of what san wants. san knows he gives too much, but receives too little, and he doesn’t really mind. anything too little that wooyoung gives is already a lot for him, and although it hurts— probably more than he expected— it’s enough. this is enough. _

_ it‘s not like he can blame himself for loving wooyoung so much, nor can he blame wooyoung for loving him too little. _  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


on some days, wooyoung clings onto san like an unforgotten memory, like a song persisting to play inside his head. he touches san on places that sets him on fire. he sits with san and glues their arms together, and wooyoung is often like that in the premises of their dorm. on movie nights like this one, wooyoung is especially warm, especially soft to the touch like cotton. he encloses himself in san’s embrace, completely indifferent to how it make’s san feel. 

it blurs everything around san. the sounds of the movie they were watching and the idle chatter of the other members flows endlessly into his ear, only to escape through the other. the living room was dark, with only the light of the television shining upon 8 men huddled together on a couch, constantly munching popcorn, immersed in the movie. everything was no longer clear in san’s eyes, except for one. 

san’s sure that he has looked at wooyoung more than he has looked at the television. he steals glances whenever given the chance, and he pulls him closer whenever he even tries to move away from his grasp. he holds onto wooyoung like he was his world, like he was going to slip from his grasp any moment now. he keeps wooyoung in his hands gently, casually threading his fingers along his hair like a child, like he was flipping the pages of a book, immersed in the story that is _wooyoung._

and wooyoung constantly touches him back. he keeps his hand rested on san’s thigh, and he often leans on his shoulder as san combed his soft hair. their hands would often brush against each other, but san never had the courage to hold wooyoung’s hand. he was like playing with fire, as if he would get burned if he held it. but wooyoung feeds san all the crumbs of affection he can give, and san swallows them all like sugar cubes melting in his mouth like iron, like metal set aflame. 

san eventually noticed how wooyoung seems to shift too often, as if plagued by discomfort. san was really comfortable holding wooyoung in his arms, but the other doesn’t necessarily feel the same. he looks dazed and his eyes were empty, lidded and loose. his lips started to swell from being bit too much, which wooyoung constantly did throughout the movie, and was still doing even until now. san looked at him concerned, worry written all over his face. 

“are you okay, wooyoung-ah?” 

wooyoung seemed to be startled at the question, as if he was interrupted from something— from whatever was going on in his head. 

“yeah, i’m just— tired, i guess.” 

he released himself from san’s hold and got up, tapping hongjoong and gestured that he needed to go and rest. the leader nodded, being fully understanding of wooyoung. 

san watched as wooyoung made his way to the hallway, leaving a void in his arms. there was an emptiness he couldn’t describe, as if san’s arms were made to hold wooyoung only, and if he wasn’t holding him, then san doesn’t need it. he sighed at the lack of warmth as his eyes followed wooyoung’s traces, and san noticed that he somehow met with his eyes. he saw something in them, but he didn’t know what it was, and he was afraid to. it was dark, like a deep ocean pulling san in, like a cave filled with secrets san is dying to hear. 

san spent almost an eternity trying to shake off the urge to follow wooyoung, but it was all for naught. it was as if all the sounds that echoed in the room were whispering to san, luring him in to wooyoung’s room like a spell. he eventually gave in to his curiosity, his heart being pulled like strings by the mystery in wooyoung’s eyes. he shoved a lame excuse of going to the restroom to hongjoong, and while he truly was on his way to the restroom, he found himself taking a detour to follow the voices in his head, the traces of wooyoung’s footsteps. 

san’s silent attempt to open wooyoung’s door and enter his room was thrown off the window by an aggressive pull on his collar. san was shoved inside the room by plump lips harshly pressed against his and hands wandering all over the corners of his body. wooyoung locked the door shut and pressed san against it roughly, breath ragged and heavy. 

“took you long enough.” 

san peeked at wooyoung’s fringe to look at his eyes. inside lies things san couldn’t recognize, they were a mixture of all the words dripping off in the silence of wooyoung’s heaving breaths, swollen lips and unruly hair. wooyoung was a mess, like a crumpled flower, like shattered glass; but he was nonetheless—_stunning_. to san, wooyoung was beautiful, he was beyond words. __

_ __ _

“what’s wrong, wooyoung-ah?” 

san looked at him with innocent, curious eyes, but the way he licked his lips said otherwise. he could feel wooyoung’s hard length pressed on his through the thin fabric of his shorts, struggling to be set free. he already knows how this night would end. much like any other, wooyoung would need him in a way he doesn’t want, just to satisfy the hunger blaring in his stomach, and san would gratefully fill him up with everything left in him, breaking off pieces of his own heart to fill wooyoung’s. just like any other night, san wouldn’t mind at all. he can swallow anything— wooyoung’s touch, anger, mess, and love— even if it’s not. 

“can’t you tell already?” 

with a smirk, san flipped him over and caged him against the wall, enclosing the dreadful distance between their lips. he worked his way through wooyoung’s clothes, and his skin almost felt like it stings, like sparks flaring with each and every contact. their kiss, like every other, was hurried, desperate— everything san didn’t want. wooyoung kissed him like he was in search for just _anything_ to fill him up, like he was searching for something in san’s mouth that san doesn’t have. 

“sure i can.” 

the kiss felt like it lasted for just a second, it tasted terrible— too sweet. wooyoung was always too sweet for san’s liking, he touches san too much, with so much indifference and emptiness. he melts into san’s mouth, and the hollowed feeling leaves him in so much pain, desperation. 

wooyoung tranced along the scattered clothing on the floor and pulled san onto the mattress, caging himself under san’s hold. they were already drenched in sweat, completely lost in the heat of their burning desires. while wooyoung’s body needs san and san’s heart needs wooyoung, again— san doesn’t mind. he never did, and won’t this time either. 

_”fuck me.”_

san smiled, savoring the view of wooyoung broken in his arms; hair a complete disaster, lips swollen and eyes too lidded to even be considered open. something about san’s smile made wooyoung’s stomach clench, it was indescribable, it looked too pained— too heartbroken to even be considered a smile. 

“sure.” 

san grabbed wooyoung’s wrists and pinned them on either sides of the bed, completely ahold of his movements. this was everything san needs, he needs wooyoung like the stars need the moon, the clouds need the sun, but somehow, somewhere within him hurts. he could feel a part within him burning in pain, but he couldn’t tell where it was— not when his head was clouded with nothing but wooyoung’s name, when it was all he knew at the moment. 

after making wooyoung into a moaning mess, san noticed how incredibly loose wooyoung was, how easy his fingers filled him up. 

“did you do it already?” 

wooyoung could barely manage breathing out an answer, all that left his mouth were a melody of pants, moans and heavy breaths, which were all so pleasing to san’s ears. 

“i was waiting for you.” 

san’s heart clenched, he could feel himself melting. wooyoung has him wrapped around his fingers like this, as if he had placed as a spell on him, like his words were prayers, which san always answers. 

san spit on his hand and wrapped it around his length, feeling no urge to even bother getting some lube. it wasn’t like wooyoung even needed it anyways, he was far too gone— far too blind to even notice how painful everything this is for san. he was too lost in the ache in his body, too numb to feel the ache in san’s heart. 

san started agonizingly slow, as if making wooyoung beg him to go harder, making him need san even more. he touched everything there is to touch, every nook and cranny of wooyoung’s body, all the secrets his body hides. his every touch felt like it was on fire, and as his pace started to hasten, wooyoung became messier and louder. the heat diffused between them started to become unbearable, and wooyoung latched on to san as the man powerfully thrusted deep inside him. san felt a stinging pain on his back as wooyoung started digging his fingernails along his skin, desperate to hold on to anything, like he will break with every thrust inside him. san’s name was spilling all over his mouth, along with a river of moans, pants and spit. 

san knew that wooyoung’s voice moaning his name will be etched in his head for as long as he’s alive, it will ring like sirens in his ears, and it will haunt him in cold, lonely nights. they will play like an unforgiving tune in his head, merciless and unwilling to leave him. 

“s-so good, s-san-ah,” 

“is it?” 

san could feel his insides jumping in joy whenever wooyoung compliments him, and he feels like an idiot for doing so. from the beginning, he was already one; a big fool for agreeing to whatever unspoken agreement they had which lead to this, but again, he doesn’t really care. he can beat himself up for being such a fool but it can’t change the fact that he is one, and he’ll always be for wooyoung. 

“yeah, so g-good,” 

wooyoung let out a loud moan as he reached his high, and white liquid decorated his stomach like ribbons. san came as well inside wooyoung— a privilege he seems to have but doesn’t actually know why it was given to him. wooyoung never complains when he comes inside, and even anything that he does, wooyoung would never complain. he lets san do anything, and san thinks that it’s too good for him, but he thinks of it as a compensation for all the pain of loving wooyoung. although he doesn’t give much to san, the privilege of being allowed to do anything to wooyoung is more than enough. 

after coming down from their high, san breathed out a heavy sigh and dropped himself on the space next to wooyoung. he spent almost an eternity staring at wooyoung, marveling at his beauty which was decorated in sweat and spit. wooyoung smiles every so often with a satisfied look in his face, and it made san happier than he expected. he has learned to find joys in the little gratifications wooyoung gives, in the moments only the two of them share. although he was never sure if his smiles were because of him, he convinces himself that it is, in hopes that it could numb the pain. 

san eventually got up and grabbed a pair of towels in wooyoung’s closet and cleaned them up. wooyoung’s legs were shaking, and he giggled at how tired he was, how san was powerful enough to leave him unable to move. 

“how am i supposed to dance tomorrow?” 

“yeah, why did you even think of doing this when you know we’re going to perform tomorrow?” 

“well, why did you agree to it?” 

_because i love you._

“i don’t know.” 

san just laughed it off, swallowing the words that threatened to leave his mouth. he came back to the bed with a couple of shirts and slid himself into wooyoung’s oversized shirt, afterwards clothing wooyoung with a hoodie. they wore their underwear and fell back on the bed, side by side. 

wooyoung was usually like this after they have sex, wrapping himself around san, as if he was going to slip away. he places kisses along san’s neck and breathes out pants and moans in between kissing and sucking on his skin. he leaves bright red, purplish marks on san’s creamy skin, as if claiming him, marking him like he’s something wooyoung owns, which he actually does. san knows that wooyoung already has him wrapped around his fingers, that wooyoung was something he was bound to, something he can never escape. he knows that even if they fall apart, wooyoung’s ghost will follow him everywhere he goes, and though wooyoung was never his, he will always have him in his heart no matter how heavy the pain gets. 

but san knows that tomorrow, wooyoung wouldn’t be the same. he was always like like that, pulling back when he’s already so close. wooyoung was always so close to him, but san never got ahold of him, even as they hold each other behind closed doors, san could never reach wooyoung. he would always be so close, and still so far, he melts away when he’s already within san’s grasp, like love was a game he was too scared to play. 

but he was fine with this. as long as he has wooyoung by his side, he will never mind. he’ll take every bit of what wooyoung has left for him, no matter how ugly, how wrong, and how painful. 

there was a warm silence wrapped around them, drowning in the sounds of wet kisses. wooyoung painted marks all over san, filling him with sugar. it was too sweet— always too sweet, but san swallowed it all, filling him to the brim. 

_”i love you.”_

san means it, like every time he says it, but just like every other time he said it, wooyoung doesn’t say it back.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry for that lmao
> 
> dont kill me


	2. behind masked hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seoul was rainy and empty, leaving space for two unfortunate hearts to wander and be allowed to find each other, to be who they always wanted to be for a night— lovers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is now mostly wooyoung-centric, no smut, just his thoughts and everything behind his actions
> 
> hope you like it <3

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


the night was cold. the lights of the passing cars painted the empty streets of a sleeping seoul, where people were immersed in the quiet of the evening, in the sounds of the rain. it played like a melody in wooyoung’s ears, drowning in the silence between him and san. 

they‘re on their way back to their dorm from a convenience store, walking along a wet, empty road. the sound of soju bottles that they held in a plastic bag clashed against each other and rung like bells, complimenting the music of the rain. it was peaceful, and their silence was warm, it was filled with all the words they chose not to say. 

“want to take a little detour?” 

wooyoung turned his head and lifted his umbrella to meet san’s eyes, earnestly looking at him. san smiled at the idea, he likes cold weathers and quiet rainy nights anyway, he found no reason to say no. 

they turned along a corner they weren’t familiar with. they could actually get lost, but neither of them cares enough to go back. that would actually be better though, to be lost in a place where nobody knows them, where they weren’t idols, not san and wooyoung, not anybody. wooyoung would love to be lost in a place where he was free to love— _to love san._

and they are now, apparently. they strolled around the rainy corners of the city, completely hidden from the public eye, with soju bottles at hand. they had planned to drink the alcohol in the dorm as all the other members were already asleep, but not savoring the moment with soju would be a complete waste. he has a low tolerance though, and drinking while walking is probably a really bad idea, but wooyoung honestly doesn’t care anymore— not when he’s lost, walking alone with a love forbidden by the rules. 

“you’re gonna get drunk. do you wanna stagger your way back home?” 

wooyoung just laughed and jokingly pushed san, gesturing that he’ll be fine. 

“the mood’s good. wouldn’t you want to drink in this weather?” 

“well, i would, but not outside, and definitely not while walking.” 

wooyoung laughed even louder, feeling hazy and warm. he felt really comfortable with san’s presence, it was as if everything else was fading into the background, like he couldn’t feel anything anymore— not the feeling of pouring rain, of wet clothes sticking onto his skin. he was numb, except to san. he could feel san, he was there with him, like he always was. 

wooyoung knows, more than anybody, how san was always there when he needs it. he knows, more than anybody, how much san loves him. he can feel it crawling onto his skin, in the way san touches him, the way he gently caresses his hair and holds him like he’ll never get another chance to. 

he knows, and he wishes he doesn’t. 

“it’s okay, i’ll be fine. we’ll be fine.”  
  
  


wooyoung talked endlessly for the rest of their walk, he was always loud, but he is especially talkative when he is drunk. he talked about everything that made anything but sense, and san couldn’t help but to laugh at it, _to fall inlove with it._ if there was one thing that san realized, it was that wooyoung really was charming and beautiful, as if he hadn’t realized that before. 

wooyoung realized it as well, that san truly is genuinely kind. san listens to everything he says, despite even knowing it himself that they don’t make sense, he even leaves genuine comments and advices in between laughter and jokes, showing that he truly cares. san joins him in all the crazy things he decides to do, such as this completely unconventional evening walk under the rain where they were obviously already getting wet and will most likely get sick the day after. 

san is a lot more, he is so much more, and wooyoung is afraid of it, that he’ll find san in every little thing, in morning coffees and autumn sunsets, in streetlights and in the light of the moon. he’s afraid that san will be everything, will be inescapable when he’s not supposed to, when wooyoung tries so hard to leave his grasp when he becomes too close. 

because it was not allowed— not everything they did until now. what they are is already wrong, and he will never forgive himself if he ever goes beyond what he has allowed himself to. he only let them become who they are now because completely blocking san out of his life would _break_ him, it would hurt him as much as it would hurt san. although this would seep into their veins like poison, killing softly, it wouldn’t savagely tear their hearts apart, wooyoung wasn’t exactly as kind as he thinks anyway. 

he was satisfied with this, letting san hold him _but never telling him._ wooyoung has already accepted his defeat against the rules of their career, of the company, of society, against fate. he was never meant to be with san to begin with, not someone as good as san and in a situation as unfortunate as the one he is in with san. 

wooyoung already accepted it, which is why he is so afraid of san’s feelings. he was afraid that he might want to start fighting again, to pick up the pieces of his heart that he has shattered himself and be with san against all odds— against all rules. 

“you’re staggering already. let’s sit down.” 

wooyoung just giggled and grabbed on to san’s arm, staggering his way on an empty bench in a small park hidden at the corner of the street. they honestly didn’t know where they were anymore, wooyoung could no longer make out letters out of the street signs. everything was already a blur, but he didn’t understand how he could still see san so clearly, as if his image was already etched in his memory, like he can still see him even with his eyes closed. 

the rain has already stopped and wooyoung calmed himself down after sitting on the bench. san sat next to him, dropping the empty soju bottles which he drank along the way on the spot on his other side. 

it was once again peaceful, the puddles on the ground were colored in the brightness of different streetlights, they were truly beautiful. it was a sight to behold, it was as if everything was waiting on wooyoung, opening the gates of his closed heart. 

“what if we become lovers?” 

wooyoung couldn’t believe his ears. he doesn’t dare look at san, but he could see in his peripheral that san was not facing him. he was looking at the stars wearing a pained smile, as if whispering a prayer. 

“just for tonight,” 

wooyoung didn’t want to hear what he’ll say next. 

_“can we stop pretending like you don’t know how i feel?”_

wooyoung could hear san’s heart breaking, even louder than his own. tears threatened to fall as he felt the pain in san’s smile, the pain he desperately tried to ignore, the desperation he tried to escape from. he’s put san through a lot, and one night is never too much. 

“okay.”  


wooyoung pressed his lips against san’s, as if finally saying everything he has to say. he lets himself fall in san’s hold, breaking into tears as his heart was already too tired of holding back everything, of desperately burying his feelings behind his masked heart.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i personally found that very angsty i just think the idol life w regards to romance is very angsty, like how they technically aren’t “allowed” to love who they wanted to, and idk i used that as inspiration lmao
> 
> anyways thanks for reading !!
> 
> next chap>>


	3. behind beautiful smiles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> to san, it was enough. he doesn’t need to ask for anything more, this night will last him a lifetime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little smut but not really lmao again i focused on the feelings rather than the actions so forgive me
> 
> last chap! thank u for coming this far, enjoy <3

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


wooyoung melts in san’s hold as they made their way to san’s empty room, which yunho left to visit his hometown for the next three days. it was ateez’ break after all, from countless tiring schedules and concerts. the other members were either away or sound asleep in their own rooms as it was already deep in the midnight, and all that was left awake are two hearts, blazing in genuine desire that were buried deep for far too long. 

their feet found their way to the mattress, with their clothes sliding off them gently, removed with utmost care, like they had all the time in the world. 

the moon illuminated wooyoung’s face in the darkness as the countless lights of the quiet city peeked through their curtains. he was truly beautiful, lips too swollen from being kissed so much, but the kisses this time were slow, unhurried and warm. they were sugar cubes of the perfect size, just like how perfectly wooyoung fits within his embrace. he has never noticed it before, as their other heated moments were mostly quick and desperate, but now he has taken his time to find little things, to bask in the warmth of wooyoung, to listen to the melody of his heavy breathing, to watch his eyes glisten in the moonlight. 

san almost broke into tears with how beautiful wooyoung is, and being blessed to watch him like this will surely last him for eternity. this view is something he will never forget, even as endless years pass, he just knows that even if his eyes no longer remembers, his heart would. 

he tucked wooyoung’s hair behind his ears and gave him a kiss so awfully soft, so pure and delicate, a kiss he was never given the chance to give, or was never allowed to. to wooyoung, it was a kiss too unfamiliar, too alien on his mouth, but it tasted sweet, much sweeter than all the harsh kisses they’ve shared, it felt like home, like a memory he never knew, but remembers. 

wooyoung wrapped his arms around san and gently caressed his hair as san spread lube all over his length to make his way to wooyoung’s entrance. 

“you use lube now, huh.” 

san chuckled at the comment, he realized how long the lube sat in his drawer, waiting to actually be used. 

“i don’t want to hurt you.” 

wooyoung pulled san into a hug and buried his head on his shoulder, gently threading his fingers through his hair. 

_“yeah, thanks.”_

wooyoung’s voice was muffled in san’s hair, but san could hear it all too clearly. it was like a lullaby, numbing all the pain left in his heart. he was used to the frame of wooyoung’s shoulder, but the way he was held close in the moment hit differently, like wooyoung has opened his entirety only for san to see. 

as san pressed against his entrance, wooyoung tightened around his length. he was already used to san’s shape, to the feeling of being filled by san, but everything about this felt unfamiliar, but felt entirely romantic, like he was released from chains, set free from his own restraints. he pulled himself even closer to san, holding on to him like he is so afraid to let him go. 

with every thrust, wooyoung can feel himself being filled, being fixed. he can feel the fallen pieces of his heart brought back together by san, and moans drip off his mouth like water, as if singing a melody into san’s ears. 

san continues on until everything was a mess, they were a mess, the sheets, their hair, body, and wooyoung. they reached their climax and without a word, they pulled themselves into an embrace. they hid themselves under the comfort of the blankets, using a towel pulled out of the nearby drawer to clean themselves. they never let each other stray too far from their reach, always coming back into each other arms even after just seconds of pulling away. 

wooyoung did what he always did, pressing kisses and marking san all over his neck, reclaiming everything he owns, which he technically already does, even if it’s just one night. san also did the same, basking in wooyoung’s beauty and gently caressing his hair which shined under the pale light in their room. 

after gathering all the courage left in him, san finally had the heart to say it again, fearless of whatever lies afterwards. 

“i love you.” 

a silence stretched between them as wooyoung stopped his movements, but he continued after. he rested his head on san’s chest and he could hear it clearly, how his heart was threatening to leap of his chest. he could hear the cruel banging of his heartbeat, tearing his chest apart in the echoing silence. 

_”i love you, too.”_  
  
  


it was worth the wait, san gladly took everything wooyoung had left for him, and being content with those crumbs, they were all worth it. every second he has spent loving wooyoung was worth it, even if it will all just amount to one night of being able to properly love him, it was worth it. 

but like every other night, san knows how this night would end. this night will never be more than what they allowed it to be. he was fine with it though, one night was enough to last him a lifetime. he knows wooyoung will never go beyond this, not with how too many things are placed at stake. he didn’t want to hear it from wooyoung, so he said it himself, that they will only be who they always wanted to be for one night— _lovers._

“are we going back to pretending tomorrow?” 

“yeah.” 

the answer that left san’s lips felt like it cut through his mouth, leaving him pained and bleeding. it was the answer he never wanted to give, but it was for the better, wooyoung already gave him enough, and it didn’t feel right to ask for more. he has learned to find contentment in everything, to be fine with receiving a lot less than what he knows he deserves. 

_”can we not?”_

san was left stunned, completely shocked. he was already unsure if he was still awake, and he resisted the urge to slap himself to make sure he’s not dreaming. 

“i was scared, san-ah. of you. of everything you do.” 

wooyoung was fighting back the tears persisting to flow, and it was too visible and heartbreaking to watch. 

_“you make it so hard to not fall inlove.”_

“why are you even stopping yourself?” 

“because we’re not supposed to!” 

“and who decided that?” 

wooyoung was already at the brink of falling apart. 

_“everything, san-ah.”_

he spat out words like daggers to san’s heart, and it hurts, a lot more than san was prepared for. 

“we’re idols, we can’t be who we want to be, we need to be who we’re expected to be or we will be crushed!” 

“yeah, and how is that related to how i love you?” 

“you shouldn’t love me, san-ah, and i shouldn’t either.” 

wooyoung was crumbling like a dead leaf, forgotten on the ground, heart weary and trampled on. 

_“but i do, san-ah.”_

wooyoung finally broke into tears, shoulders heaving constantly in san’s arms. san held him in a tight embrace, placing wooyoung’s head on the frame of his shoulder. san ran his hands along his back to ease his tears, to wash away all the pain too heavy for him. 

_“what do i do?”_

wooyoung asked him, looking completely devastated and a mess of tears and sweat. 

“i’m not sure of anything else, but i’m sure that i love you,” 

“and i’m confident that i can get through anything with this love i held on to for years.” 

san held wooyoung’s hand and made him look into his eyes, in the vast sea of emotions caged inside. 

“can you trust me, this one time? that we can get through this together?” 

wooyoung can feel his answer creeping up his throat, it was definitely a scary feeling, to learn something again, to start again, _to love again,_ but strangely enough, it wasn’t too scary, as san held his hand firmly, telling wooyoung all the assurances he needs to hear. 

“can this one night go on for eternity?” 

with all the bits and pieces shattered in wooyoung, he found himself picking them up, finally putting them back together and willing to give it all. he never said his answer, but his kiss gave it away, a kiss so soft, yet so tender and gentle, like kissing a child to sleep. 

san wasn’t sure if tomorrow will be different, but when it came and he opened his eyes to a sleeping wooyoung, it was like a heavy weight was taken off his chest. for once in his life, he was able to make wooyoung stay, to wake up with wooyoung’s heartbeat in tune with his, to hold him like he was finally within his grasp, finally _his_. 

he pressed a kiss on wooyoung’s forehead, and it was, like always, sweet. it was so sweet, still too sweet— but it was delicious, a lot less painful than the sweetness before— it was a shower of emotions, of unexplainable feelings, of _sugar cubes._  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if there are any errors or whatever, wrote this instead of sleeping i was high on emotion lmao
> 
> i dont think my style of writing smut is for everyone so sorry for that, hope you enjoyed it tho! thank u for reading <3 i love u
> 
> scream at me @hyeongjuwu_

**Author's Note:**

> i hate myself and im still crying over woojin so yeah dont attac me if this is a disappointment lmao
> 
> hope u enjoyed (??? is it supposed to be enjoyed when i wanna make ya’ll devastated) it! if u love angst then i love u too
> 
> hit me up [@svnnysvnwoo_](https://mobile.twitter.com/svnnysvnwoo_)


End file.
